Let me share with you a story about how I came to love parenting.

Growing up, it seemed my parents were so unfair to me (perhaps you can remember feeling this way too as a kid). Most of the time they would react to us, by yelling or punishing or making up a random consequence.I vowed that I would never parent my children like this (hold the laughter).

 

Don’t get me wrong, they were NOT terrible parents! In fact, looking back, they were quite typical parents. The problem was that my parents were only using the tools they were given. Which is the tools passed down to them by THEIR parents. 

 

When I became a parent, I discovered that all the same tactics my parents used on me, were automatically becoming my own! And not only did I not like the results I was getting with my toddler, I didn’t like what was happening to our sweet relationship. I spent much of my days oscillating between anger and shame, making up consequences on the fly, repeating myself until I was yelling...sound familiar?

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Although I hadn't forgotten the promise I made to myself, I didn't know how to parent any different. I felt stuck.

 

After one particularly awful day, I thought “There has got to be a better way to do this!” I began studying from the experts in the parenting field, and I couldn't get enough! What began as a search to get my child to be less unruly, completely transformed my parenting. Despite all my schooling in psychology, I realized just how much I didn't know about raising a little human!

 

Although I was excited about what I had learned, I was also dubious. I began to test out these new "theories" with my kid. The changes I saw in my child were almost instantaneous! I would laugh in disbelief when I thought about how hard she used to fight me on the same things.

 

She began to listen.

She began to cooperate,

She was problem solving,

She would even apologize and self correct (what the..?)

 

Oh my gosh was I ever thankful that I took that leap. Thankful that I questioned, that I re-examined my parenting methods (not really even mine...just the ones I grew up with!). Without being passive and giving in I get to enjoy a rich relationship with my kiddos. And I have the joy of getting to watch both of my children grow in their own moral reasoning, emotional intelligence and problem solving skills.

 

And isn't that ultimately what we want as parents?

 

For our kids to learn how to tell right from wrong on their own.

For them to express kindness and gratitude genuinely.

For them to grow in problem solving skills.

For them to listen and cooperate- not out of coercion, bribery, fear or anything else but out of respect for others.